Writing my novel helped me heal the Mother Wound... the original separation from the Divine Mother... as my heroine Mary Magdalen awakened to her truth as the Divine Daughter... so did I... and in doing so received the fullness of the Divine Mother.
I reconnected to Her... embodied in the Earth... enlivened in the hearts of so many women here in Ojai... mothers and grandmothers who receive me... as if I am the Divine Daughter... and I feel it. I see the Divine Daughter energy in so many others... women young and old and even a few precious men.
Nearly three years after LoveDance® was launched, I found myself facing another wound... the Father Wound — separation from the Divine Father. Yes, I had begun Book II... LoveDance® is a trilogy... and I began the second book shortly after the first was launched... I got 1/3 through the writing... and just as my heroine Mary Magdalen confronts her father wound... I could write no more!
Why? Because until I face it, live it, breathe it, am I able to write it. What I wrote in the first book became manifest for me. I did not realize the depth of the mother wound I embodied, imprinted since prenatal time, brought into this lifetime as deep karmic imprints. I had done a regression on myself many years before. Way before LoveDance®... two years before I dreamt I was Mary Magdalen walking down the streets of Nazareth, I brought myself back to the womb... Disentangled myself from maternal karmic imprints... from the Red Cord...
Looking down between my fetal thighs, I was surprised to see NO penis! No blade! How could I accomplish my mission in this form? I felt a pulsation deep in my belly, putrid fearful, coming not from me, but through the umbilical cord — the Red Cord.
It was my mother’s fear. I felt her. Her world as she perceived it... the struggle with her parents, her new husband, her fear... her fear of her mother, then...
I was in my grandmother’s womb feeling her fear through the red cord. And then in her mother’s womb feeling her mother’s fear and her mother’s and back and back in time. Like a video montage, yet I could feel the fear... yellow and acidic as bile... the pain, tears, terror... of losing children, abortions, stillborn babies. Of being raped, used as chattel, traded like beasts. Of husbands, and fathers, and lovers beating us, blaming us. Of too many babies, of hunger and pain, of sending our sons off to war and our daughters into the same traps we found ourselves. Of burning at the stake, of drowning, of torture for being our truth. Of giving away our power.
Through my mother’s womb, through hers, and unto the beginning of time. Back to Eve. All of women’s woes... that was my fear. The fear I had been purging forever.
Time to release it.
I awoke with a clear intention and pure desire to release my mothers’ fear, all of my mothers.
In synchronicity that same day, I had an appointment with an energy healer. She was working with another powerful male healer. He stood at my feet, she at my head. I didn’t tell them of my vision but lay there fully intending to release. And I did. Like a volcanic eruption of black tar, the energy exploded from my belly into the atmosphere. I felt lighter and freer than ever. I opened my eyes laughing and sat up.
The two healers were plastered against the walls of the healing room. “What was THAT?”
“That was fear! And it’s not mine!”
Then I headed to the beach, and lay on the sand, my feet in the water, the sun on my naked skin, and was held by the Great Mother. My Divine Mother loves me... I am everything she ever desired in a daughter. I no longer need to purge the fear of my sex.
Frequently Asked Questions:
Can your hypothalamus cause weight gain?
Yes. The hypothalamus is the master regulator of metabolism, controlling how your body stores and burns energy through its signaling to the thyroid, adrenals, and pancreas. When the hypothalamus becomes dysregulated by chronic stress, poor sleep, inflammation, or blood sugar instability, it defends a higher weight "set point" — causing the body to hold onto fat regardless of diet or exercise. This makes hypothalamic dysfunction an upstream root cause of stubborn weight gain.
What is a weight set point and why won't mine move?
A weight set point is the body weight your hypothalamus works to defend, calibrated over time by stress, sleep, hormones, and inflammation. When you diet, the hypothalamus perceives scarcity and responds by slowing metabolism, increasing hunger hormones, and suppressing satiety signals to return you to that set point. This is why most people regain lost weight within two to five years of conventional dieting — the set point itself was never recalibrated, only temporarily overridden.
Why do I gain weight under stress even when I'm not eating more?
Chronic stress raises cortisol, which disrupts blood sugar regulation, promotes abdominal fat storage, and signals the hypothalamus that the body is under threat. In survival mode, the hypothalamus defends fat stores and slows metabolism — so weight can increase even without any change in calorie intake. The stress chemistry, not the food, is driving the weight gain, which is why stress reduction is essential to any lasting metabolic reset.
Why do I regain weight after stopping GLP-1 medications?
GLP-1 medications work peripherally on appetite and gastric signaling, but they do not address the underlying hypothalamic dysregulation that sets your defended weight. Because the hypothalamic set point is never recalibrated, the body resumes defending its original weight once the medication stops — leading to significant regain. Long-term success requires restoring hypothalamic regulation so the set point itself lowers, rather than relying on appetite suppression alone.
How long does it take to reset your metabolism?
Genuine metabolic recalibration takes a minimum of 90 days, because the hypothalamus needs consistent signals of safety and sufficiency before it will lower its defended set point. This differs from a diet, which produces temporary suppression the body quickly corrects. A 90-day reset typically moves through three phases: stabilizing stress chemistry (days 1–30), rebuilding metabolic efficiency (days 31–60), and lowering the weight set point (days 61–90).
Why does my thyroid feel slow even though my labs are "normal"?
Under chronic stress, the body converts thyroid hormone into reverse T3, which blocks active thyroid receptors and slows metabolism at the cellular level — even when standard lab values appear normal. This means you can experience genuine symptoms of slow metabolism, such as fatigue, cold intolerance, and brain fog, while your thyroid panel looks unremarkable. Addressing the upstream hypothalamic and stress signaling often improves thyroid conversion and symptoms.
Is stubborn weight gain a willpower problem?
No. Stubborn weight gain is a signaling problem, not a willpower problem. The hypothalamus governs weight through survival mechanisms that operate below conscious control — defending its set point by slowing metabolism and increasing hunger when it perceives threat. No amount of discipline can override this system; lasting change comes from restoring hypothalamic regulation through reduced stress, balanced blood sugar, restorative sleep, and targeted nutritional support.
Last Updated: April 5, 2022
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