Writing my novel helped me heal the Mother Wound… the original separation from the Divine Mother… as my heroine Mary Magdalen awakened to her truth as the Divine Daughter… so did I… and in doing so received the fullness of the Divine Mother.
I reconnected to Her… embodied in the Earth… enlivened in the hearts of so many women here in Ojai… mothers and grandmothers who receive me… as if I am the Divine Daughter… and I feel it. I see the Divine Daughter energy in so many others… women young and old and even a few precious men.
Nearly three years after LoveDance® was launched, I found myself facing another wound… the Father Wound — separation from the Divine Father. Yes, I had begun Book II… LoveDance® is a trilogy… and I began the second book shortly after the first was launched… I got 1/3 through the writing… and just as my heroine Mary Magdalen confronts her father wound… I could write no more!
Why? Because until I face it, live it, breathe it, am I able to write it. What I wrote in the first book became manifest for me. I did not realize the depth of the mother wound I embodied, imprinted since prenatal time, brought into this lifetime as deep karmic imprints. I had done a regression on myself many years before. Way before LoveDance®… two years before I dreamt I was Mary Magdalen walking down the streets of Nazareth, I brought myself back to the womb… Disentangled myself from maternal karmic imprints… from the Red Cord…
Looking down between my fetal thighs, I was surprised to see NO penis! No blade! How could I accomplish my mission in this form? I felt a pulsation deep in my belly, putrid fearful, coming not from me, but through the umbilical cord — the Red Cord.
It was my mother’s fear. I felt her. Her world as she perceived it… the struggle with her parents, her new husband, her fear… her fear of her mother, then…
I was in my grandmother’s womb feeling her fear through the red cord. And then in her mother’s womb feeling her mother’s fear and her mother’s and back and back in time. Like a video montage, yet I could feel the fear… yellow and acidic as bile… the pain, tears, terror… of losing children, abortions, stillborn babies. Of being raped, used as chattel, traded like beasts. Of husbands, and fathers, and lovers beating us, blaming us. Of too many babies, of hunger and pain, of sending our sons off to war and our daughters into the same traps we found ourselves. Of burning at the stake, of drowning, of torture for being our truth. Of giving away our power.
Through my mother’s womb, through hers, and unto the beginning of time. Back to Eve. All of women’s woes… that was my fear. The fear I had been purging forever.
Time to release it.
I awoke with a clear intention and pure desire to release my mothers’ fear, all of my mothers.
In synchronicity that same day, I had an appointment with an energy healer. She was working with another powerful male healer. He stood at my feet, she at my head. I didn’t tell them of my vision but lay there fully intending to release. And I did. Like a volcanic eruption of black tar, the energy exploded from my belly into the atmosphere. I felt lighter and freer than ever. I opened my eyes laughing and sat up.
The two healers were plastered against the walls of the healing room. “What was THAT?”
“That was fear! And it’s not mine!”
Then I headed to the beach, and lay on the sand, my feet in the water, the sun on my naked skin, and was held by the Great Mother. My Divine Mother loves me… I am everything she ever desired in a daughter. I no longer need to purge the fear of my sex.