Transforming Your Family Drama

by Deborah Maragopoulos FNP | Nov 1, 2017 | Blog, Mind/Body | 0 comments

As much as we seek healing including soul growth, it seems like our family drama gets in the way. Or does it?

Early in August, I woke up elated from an amazing dream:

I was outside with my husband and Mom (always good to see my dead mother)

We’re standing outside of a home in what looks like Tuscany with a large patio area leading to a Mediterranean style pool that looks over grassy field with mature trees stretching as far as I can see.

I hear something falling from the sky, then a large black sheet lands right next to the pool. Soon a huge piece of the building - the edge of a castle tower - just misses the pool. Steve says "thank goodness." And I warn, "there's more to come. Duck!"

Sure enough the front nose of a jet skims over our heads and lands just beyond but then starts sliding towards us. I grab Mom by the arm and drag her to safety.

Now as usual we are about to have a large family gathering. Everyone's coming so Mom suggests we tidy up the yard. Steve says, "No, we have to leave it for the investigators."

At that point in my dream, I realize Mom in spirit form is helping us prepare for a gathering of family... when the sky will fall upon us.

By late afternoon, the sky did fall...

A serious family drama unveiled itself yet the moment I became aware of it, I was CALM. Almost peaceful as I handled the emotions of the family members with empathy. So when the gathering did occur later that day, I feel prepared. It helps to have premonition dreams...

I’m so grateful to have practiced CALM so that when cosmic crap hits the fan, I can still smell the roses!

After Momma made her appearance in my dream world, I had visitations from my Poppop, my mother’s father. Both occurred after discussing codependent relationships with my patients. Even they could smell the cigarette smoke. I knew Poppop was here to remind me that it’s time to break the chain.

In the meantime, I tried to grasp the deeper meaning of codependency and how it's reflected in the world around me. That’s when Grandmother Kathy introduced me to the Drama Triangle.

After a busy day of taming the family drama while seeing patients, I investigated this interesting dynamic first coined in the 1960s by psychiatrist Steven Karpman. He says here in America we are all born into this triangle of victim, rescuer, and persecutor which is fueled by the shame of not get our needs met.

Grandmother Kathy told me that the way off the drama triangle is when the victim transforms through strength, the rescuer transforms through mercy and the persecutor transforms through surrender.

What I read on Karpman's Drama Triangle indicated that while we learn one primary role in our family, we play all the roles over time, so it seems to me that we must all learn strength, mercy, and surrender.

Here’s a classic example of how the Drama Triangle plays out:

A police officer is called to the scene of domestic violence. He is the Rescuer, the woman being beaten is the Victim and her abusive husband, the Persecutor.

Yet once the police officer arrives at the scene, the woman is afraid he’ll take her husband away and tries to protect him. Now she is the Rescuer, the police is the Persecutor and the husband is the Victim.

We switch roles many times throughout our lives and even within a single interaction.

Now while I was personally going through my own family drama, I was leading the Hormone Healing Circle - an interactive online group that teaches it’s members how to balance their hormones naturally and achieve optimal health body, mind, and soul.

In the Hormone Healing Circle, we do challenges. That month we were doing a Commitment to Me Challenge in which we were trying to carve out time in our busy schedules to take care of ourselves - physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

And as life mirrors our soul growth, many of the members of the Hormone Healing Circle began feeling guilt about actively meeting their needs. Guilt is the shame that fuels the Drama Triangle.

We are:

Learning to be strong in our convictions to ourselves which helps transform our Victim identity into one of Divine Creator.

Experiencing mercy as we devote ourselves to self-care which helps transform our Rescuer identity into one of Divine Coach.

Surrendering our need to control the world by taking care of our own needs which helps transform our Persecutor identity into one of Divine Challenger.

Carry on, sweet soul sisters of our Hormone Healing Circle. You are unveiling your Divinity with each act of kindness to self.

Frequently Asked Questions:

Can your hypothalamus cause weight gain?

Yes. The hypothalamus is the master regulator of metabolism, controlling how your body stores and burns energy through its signaling to the thyroid, adrenals, and pancreas. When the hypothalamus becomes dysregulated by chronic stress, poor sleep, inflammation, or blood sugar instability, it defends a higher weight "set point" — causing the body to hold onto fat regardless of diet or exercise. This makes hypothalamic dysfunction an upstream root cause of stubborn weight gain.

What is a weight set point and why won't mine move?

A weight set point is the body weight your hypothalamus works to defend, calibrated over time by stress, sleep, hormones, and inflammation. When you diet, the hypothalamus perceives scarcity and responds by slowing metabolism, increasing hunger hormones, and suppressing satiety signals to return you to that set point. This is why most people regain lost weight within two to five years of conventional dieting — the set point itself was never recalibrated, only temporarily overridden.

Why do I gain weight under stress even when I'm not eating more?

Chronic stress raises cortisol, which disrupts blood sugar regulation, promotes abdominal fat storage, and signals the hypothalamus that the body is under threat. In survival mode, the hypothalamus defends fat stores and slows metabolism — so weight can increase even without any change in calorie intake. The stress chemistry, not the food, is driving the weight gain, which is why stress reduction is essential to any lasting metabolic reset.

Why do I regain weight after stopping GLP-1 medications?

GLP-1 medications work peripherally on appetite and gastric signaling, but they do not address the underlying hypothalamic dysregulation that sets your defended weight. Because the hypothalamic set point is never recalibrated, the body resumes defending its original weight once the medication stops — leading to significant regain. Long-term success requires restoring hypothalamic regulation so the set point itself lowers, rather than relying on appetite suppression alone.

How long does it take to reset your metabolism?

Genuine metabolic recalibration takes a minimum of 90 days, because the hypothalamus needs consistent signals of safety and sufficiency before it will lower its defended set point. This differs from a diet, which produces temporary suppression the body quickly corrects. A 90-day reset typically moves through three phases: stabilizing stress chemistry (days 1–30), rebuilding metabolic efficiency (days 31–60), and lowering the weight set point (days 61–90).

Why does my thyroid feel slow even though my labs are "normal"?

Under chronic stress, the body converts thyroid hormone into reverse T3, which blocks active thyroid receptors and slows metabolism at the cellular level — even when standard lab values appear normal. This means you can experience genuine symptoms of slow metabolism, such as fatigue, cold intolerance, and brain fog, while your thyroid panel looks unremarkable. Addressing the upstream hypothalamic and stress signaling often improves thyroid conversion and symptoms.

Is stubborn weight gain a willpower problem?

No. Stubborn weight gain is a signaling problem, not a willpower problem. The hypothalamus governs weight through survival mechanisms that operate below conscious control — defending its set point by slowing metabolism and increasing hunger when it perceives threat. No amount of discipline can override this system; lasting change comes from restoring hypothalamic regulation through reduced stress, balanced blood sugar, restorative sleep, and targeted nutritional support.

About the Author - Deborah Maragopoulos FNP

Known as the Hormone Queen®️, I’ve made it my mission to help everyone - no matter their age - balance their hormones, and live the energy and joy their DNA and true destiny desires. See more about me my story here...

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Last Updated: April 13, 2022