This is part one on a three part series about grieving over the loss of Deborah’s mother. It’s a beautiful tale worth exploring as autumn approaches.
The veil is very thin for me. Mom feels very close. Although no longer embodied, her energy is still here without the limitations of the body and she’s with my sisters and her grandchildren and all who love her and are open to receive her.
When Nana and Poppop died, I felt as if my soul was torn, a great void of sadness kept me from feeling their divine presence. It was seven years before Poppop came to me in a dream. Although from the time they could talk which was really early, both my children were in communication with them.
Kyra described Nana as a young woman, sang songs Nana would sing to Mom as a baby, felt comforted by her presence. Mom was holding Jarys showing him pictures in the hall and he reached out towards Pop’s picture and said “Poppop”. He was only four months old. When he was twelve he began singing Louis Prima songs, Pop’s favorite. He found them online. I hadn’t heard them since before Pop died.
Mom took comfort in my children’s close relationship with their great-grandparents. They come to me in dreams and offer council. I expect Mom to do the same. But more so it’s as if she is within me, her wisdom, her humor, her passion, her compassion, her love. Yes, I miss her hugs, yet Mom was a pretty awesome at manifestation. I believe she will find a way to hug me!
BLUE MOON JULY 31st
I’ve been waking up at the witching hour – 3:33 am – the hour of Mom’s death.
I get up and go outside to look at the moon. Last night’s full moon was special, a blue moon. I thought I’d do a meditation. Connecting to the earth and then the stars, I settled into myself, opened my consciousness, and Mom came through me.
Not came to me. It feels like she’s within me. She confirmed it:
I am part of you like Nana, even a bit of Gran, is part of you now. I am here with them beyond the veil as you refer to it. But it’s not a veil, there is no separation. We are all part of you as you are part of us. It’s just a game we’ve played since the beginning.
You must release your sense of responsibility for everyone else. For me. For your father. For each of your sisters. For your children. For Steve. For your patients. For your family. For your friends. For everyone. You are not responsible. That is your breast pain.
Then she kissed by breast and asked me to place one hand over the painful part and one over my womb.
Just like you dissolved your fibroid, you will dissolve this inflammation. A lymph massage would be good.
She then helped me disentangle for each and every one of them. Like an unraveling, not stopping to receive the gifts of the knots, that has already been done, just unraveling the cords of attachment to all my perceived sense of responsibility. There were many.
She said, I lived a long life, not as long as you imagine longevity to be, but long enough to fulfill my purpose which was to bring in four strong women capable of changing their worlds. She felt completed.
Then she counseled me regarding my worries.
Steve will be fine. Your Dad’s event is part of this healing for you and your sisters. He will be fine.
I asked if she could get through to my sisters. She said it was easy with my youngest sister, harder with the twins because of their fear. I started to see anger, but she corrected me and showed me as I suspected that it’s all fear. I saw a mist which she easily penetrated to contact us, then the mist grew into a thick bank of fog distorting her communication – that is fear.
I asked about LoveDance. She said to wait, the right connection will come. She will help bring them to me. I asked about my opus, she said wait. I needed a manufacturer I could depend on, that is in the works. When I thought of Texas, she felt her smile. It’s all coming together. There’s more to create.
I asked about the BRN. She said it’s been taken care of. And then like a mafioso scene, I was to forget about it. Ok.
I asked about the business. She said Gaby would be with me a long time. She will watch over us and help. That Gaby will help me realize my dreams. And I would take care of her like I did Mom, more so….yet without the sense of responsibility, she reminded me.
And she showed me a future like a wide open path.
Part Two continues tomorrow