By 2012 I had made a drastic change. I was about to embark on a new professional venture and began to have trouble breathing. Here’s my journal entry from then and how I experienced my body symbolizing soul lessons:
Thinking a lot about why my business has whittled down since moving it home. I have envisioned for years this decline to correspond with Steve’s coming retirement. Yet it is taking a toll on my ego.
Had a thought while walking Charlie in our favorite meadow; Steve and I had been texting about me waking up in the middle of the night worrying about my choices. In relinquishing the party line both conventional and alternative that creates dependency, and giving my patients what they need (not necessarily what they want–like high dose BHRT), have I cut off my nose to spite my face?
It’s a conundrum. Following my divine guidance whilst in the world. Then I thought – with the help of the beautiful sun-shiny meadow – that I am seeking LIGHT-MINDED patients/clients/audiences/people. Not like-minded, but light-minded – those choosing to perceive the light over the dark. That all they need to know is encoded in their DNA and that is exactly why I created Genesis Gold® so that we might be able to access our self healing abilities.
Now to tell the rest of the Light-Minded people.
Interesting that my self-worth issues and feeling of selling out related to this position were put into perspective when the eldest woman in our women’s circle was hospitalized. One of my triad sisters had sent me an email about the elder cancelling her healing session to go to the ER with what she thought was food poisoning. I “knew” immediately that the elder was experiencing a GI bleed…some of which came intuitively and some of what I surmised being around her and watching her diet and lifestyle restrictions (medical detective work).
The position I interviewed for is to go into the homes of the elderly and do an independent health assessment. A service that would have prevented Ellie’s tragic health crisis. So far just in the hiring process I have already made waves in this national company that will now have to redo their contracts and hiring procedures because “no one has ever alerted us to these issues before”. It is my lot in life – to create change.
And business? Well, as soon as I looked elsewhere, it began to build. Selling more Genesis Gold® than ever. I set a goal with my business manager (AKA Mom) before the end of the year to make a certain (seemingly impossible with our previous numbers) amount each week. Last week was our first week back after the holiday and we more than made the goal with over a $1000 in sales extra this weekend.
It’s all about intention. And I came by my “magic” honestly. Mom is just now believing in herself. It’s hard to attract abundance when you’re working with those who believe in “just enough”. Well, we need more and deserve more. I am willing and able and, thankfully, in high demand in my field…so finding outside employment that will work around my practice was not a problem. In fact my collaborating physician is bugging me about working with him – less travel but the money isn’t as good and maybe too close for my patients who might want to see me in his office and will NOT get the care they are used to in 10-15min appointments.
So my time will become more precious this year. Each moment a choice to receive joy. I have the opportunity with this other position to get us out of debt by the time Steve retires, and that is exactly what I am going to do So circles and councils and community commitments will be put on the back burner. I shall come when I need it now – a big change from this past year.
Now time to rest. I have had a lung thing these past few days. A bit of asthma and extreme fatigue preceding this breakthrough bleed, I have had a few spells of this during the past couple of years of The Change.It certainly is nothing like Kyra’s upper respiratory virus, and Steve’s 24 hr stomach bug. Perhaps some grief I am holding onto.
I’ve been following this channel for Gaia – the energy and voice and wisdom are so profoundly uplifting. SHE is the Divine Earth Mother I know. It’s amazing. I feel my breathing issue is related to the shift into 2012…it felt flat on new year’s after a profound solstice ceremony and an amazingly cleansing 11-11-11.
Then the days kept accelerating in manifestation. I’ve asked to be shown in my dreams. They have been very vivid, In most I am angry and was also related to my sisters and mother and father. Then I explored when the angry frustration began and I saw myself at seven years old – as the world try to acculturate, domesticate, civilize me, preparing for catechism. How I struggled with the nuns, and school. It was too easy, I was bored.
At home my parents’ relationship was crumbling and only I could see it. My sisters never did., And Nana, my dear Nana, was too far away to help, not that Mom would have let her. I remember holding the ladder for my mother as she watered down our roof in the 1969 fire…all our neighbors had evacuated but Daddy never came home and we were alone My sisters had not a clue, they were glued to the TV. It was the debut of the Brady Bunch.
And all my mother’s anger flowed down with the smoke upon me.
Typing this is making it so much more clear.
I carried the woes of my mother, and her mother and all those before, in the body of a little girl. My old soul is ready to let go of this anger that holds me back – that keeps me from taking a deep breath.
Breath is Spirit. Time to breathe and embody the fullness of my spiritual self.
Make room by letting go, releasing all that doesn’t serve
Shine light of love on the darkness of fear